Like everybody who lives in New England I love springtime. No more lugging firewood through the snow, no more de-booting so you’re not tracking mud and shit all over the house when you walk in. No more snow cancellations, no more watching the weather to guess if your gig’s going to get cancelled. For the next 7 months or so the weather report is always the same; partly cloudy (or sunny) with a chance of showers. Nothing changes but the temperature.
I like to drive around town in the spring. I live in Manchester, NH and I’m quite happy here. I know people and I know my way around. I drive around the city all year long, but it’s so much fun in the spring. No bulky jacket, no clunky boots. Windows open, music blaring. Avoiding the potholes is like the best video game ever. Attractive women walk the streets with less clothing. Unattractive women do too, but that’s like the worst video game ever.
The orange construction cones bloom like lovely spring flowers. As do the construction workers standing idly by with their glorious reflective vests.
Here are some things I’ve noticed lately driving around Manchester.
The best intersection: Mammoth/Cox
The best three street block: Cilley Dix & Howe
What is the distinction between “Dead End” “No Outlet” and “Not a Through Street?”
The scariest sign in town: The Cadillac Motel on Bridge and Chestnut – “Rooms For a Night…Or a Lifetime.” (Cue Vincent Price’s maniacal laughter.)
The silliest traffic signs: A sequence of warnings for speeders on Lake Ave. They are a “cute” series that says things like “Meet our judges: Speed” and “Smile for the radar.” I can only imagine some disgruntled Lake Ave resident sitting in his or her workshop with a stencil set and a can of paint thinking, “Ooh this will slow them down.” And of course the final sign says, “Thank You.” It should have said “Burma Shave.” I sincerely hope this was a privately funded project. I’d hate to think the highway dept was spending my tax dollars on idiocy like that when I have a sinkhole at the end of my road big enough to become a tourist attraction.
The most interesting entertainment advertised at a church: Christian Illusionist. I wonder if he changes water into wine. Proclaims every trick he does a miracle? I’ll never know; you have to be a member to get in.
Best advice your Mother gave you: Cover your mouth when you yawn. When I’m driving by you and you’re standing on the sidewalk, mouth agape, jaws straining, fists clenched and eyes wide open, no offense but you look like you’re waiting for the short bus. Cover it. Really…
The shortest street with the longest name: Mammoth Rd East Back Street. The street itself is less than .1 mile.
Because of our first in the nation primary, NH residents are considered to be very politically aware and involved. This presumed enthusiasm screeches to an abrupt halt on the Wednesday after the election, and when Spring rolls around the melting snow reveals more Mitt & Rudy signs than I think we should have to look at. I even saw one guy drive by me with RUDY08 on his license plate. Poor bastard.
Wanna talk politics? I’m always ready to. I favor Obama. There’s a long way to go before the election, but right now that’s the way I feel. He seems sincere, he seems fresh, inventive and honest. I don’t care about his lack of experience; in fact I think it’s a plus. Our current administration has like 800 years experience all totaled, and could we possibly be in any deeper shit? This will be a great election for us because no matter who wins, I don’t believe we could do any worse.
I like John McCain. I voted for him in the 2000 primary. I wish like Hell that he’d won. Does anybody else besides me think he might be Paul Simon’s father? There’s a real resemblance there, and I’m almost sure I heard him singing “Loves Me Like Iraq.”
I like Hillary, despite the fact that she reeks of desperation right now and can’t hide it no matter how confident the rhetoric. I was a huge Bill fan, I’d be happy to have him involved in the decision making process, and I don’t think a woman president is a bad idea. Although, I was behind a woman at the drive up bank window this week who was really unprepared. That gave me pause. She had to have a deposit slip sent out via pneumatic tube, and then after rummaging through her purse she had to have a pen sent out to her, again via pneumatic tube. Oh, the wasted time…
I don’t believe a man would be that ill-equipped. Sorry ladies…
Up until October I was a registered Republican. I’ve always agreed with the basic Republican belief that less government is better, but the sad truth is our current administration has put a stink on the Republican Party that probably will take two or more terms to eradicate. How how how could we have let this guy back in for a second term? I agree that John Kerry wasn’t much of an option, but Jesus. Am I the only one out here that simply can’t stand the sight of this smirking, self righteous, big business-pandering, cronyistic, advice ignoring piece of crap leader we’ve saddled ourselves with? I’m so negative about politicians right now, I feel that revolution is a better answer than an election. This past week, I saw truckers in Washington DC protesting the price of fuel. This felt to me like a breath of the old sixties activism I used to love when I was in my prime.
Considering what this administration has done to the middle class as well as the rest of the country, I would like to have seen them drive their semis right through the fence around the White House and caused a real ruckus.
Sadly though, I don’t believe this president could care less what people think or are going through. Don’t forget, he takes advice directly from God.
You know I don’t care what religion you subscribe to, there’s no Supreme Being advising anyone to go forth and cause the death of a quarter million people. With the notable exception of the God that advises Dubya on foreign policy. What a colossal crock of shit.
One of my favorite moments lately was during the Pope’s visit. I’m sure that he was strongly advised to address all the child abuse at the hands of Priests. For sorely needed PR purposes. Oddly though there’s no commandment specifically addressing pedophilia. There is one against killing. But our Command-Duh-In-Chief feels no need to take responsibility or even apologize for the unnecessary deaths of over 4000 Americans and countless Iraqis. So he stands next to the Pope, smirking away.
“Awesome speech, Your Holiness.” Like the Pope cares what he thinks anyway, he’s not even Catholic. I don’t think. He’s changed religions so often it’s hard to keep track. But whatever your religious preference, it’s hard not believe we’ve elected Rosemary’s Baby to lead us into Armageddon.
I’m a very basic spiritual person but I’m not religious per se, I just tend to believe we’ve got a giant piece of suet occupying the Oval Office.
So write your Senators and Congressmen!! Bitch!! Protest!! Take an interest!! It’s how we got things done in the sixties and seventies. We didn’t sit on our asses agonizing over who should or shouldn’t get kicked off American Idol. We agonized over who shot JR. And honestly, I don’t remember who it was.
